Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
