I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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