hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize