Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Randomize
