It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
