took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Randomize