I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
and you fell through a lawn chair
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
