He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
