glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Do you have feelings for this penis?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
