Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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