PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
