No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
