So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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