Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
