And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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