i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize