my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
