somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
