i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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