It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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