no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
3 2 1 whiskey
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
