I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Randomize
