Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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