My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
