Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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