I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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