dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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