Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
