he looks like a really good dad on facebook
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize