My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
