Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
