Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
