I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
