Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
