before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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