I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize