Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
