i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
