My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
