there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
