I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
