you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
