it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
