Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
