I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
