if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
