i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
