She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
He kissed a someone with a penis
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
