I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
