can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize