i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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