kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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