Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
