I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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