Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
