Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Apparently you make a good broom.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You may now shotgun with the bride
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
You are a genius and a whore.
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