Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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