Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
