Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize