so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
