He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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