I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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