Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize