Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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