Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
