I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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