you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Randomize
