You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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