Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
