U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
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