i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
