dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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