i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize