my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
