we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
she smelled like a LAN party
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
