Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
