Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
