What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize