420 ftw
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Randomize
