you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I could have mohawked her pubes.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
