There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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