I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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