I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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