Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
