we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
