i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
