On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
