so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
