I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize