Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
should my penis look like a turkey
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
