I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
