i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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