im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
