if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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