The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
