yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
