If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
