ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
