Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
