My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
