i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
