Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
