As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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