i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
