Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
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