you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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